one week/ one year

it's been a week since this started. the week of the 2006PoorBabyTrifectaRevisited. I thought I was done with all of this. so wrong. silly girl.

In order of importance from least to most:
I'm actually still friends with PoorBaby3, so I saw him this week and we spoke today for a few minutes. That's fine but weird timing. PoorBaby1, well, last week I had an automated email asking me to join some stupid networking website. So what did I do? I looked for him on myspace. I know, it was masochistic and I kind of regret it because it didn't help me forget about him. GirlBrain sees his picture and says "he's so cute" and then I remember things we used to talk about and how infatuated I was with him and how not infatuated he was with me but he was perfectly willing to hang out when he was in town. whatever. so, I looked. Somehow I hit the button to "invite" him on myspace and today I got a stupid one line message and a friend request. I wish he'd just ignored me. he knows he's adorable! I feel like he doesn't want my friendship, but does want the thought that I still might Like him. grrr. mad at myself.
PoorBaby2 hurts the worst. I saw him last week. I was going to blog about it then, but it's taken me this long to slog through the feeling to the words to articulate it. I have no idea what Tim said because I was trying not to think about this person and trying to look at all the people who love me and to think about Cameron telling me I could do so much better and that the guy was a tool (my word). He waved, I nodded, we didn't speak. I hid behind a very sweet, very tall friend of mine who let me cry all over him. Then Phil handed me Connor and baby hugs make lots of things better. I think God was giving me some amusement with the man at Fido but I could be wrong. But here's the thing. I'm probably going to see PoorBaby2 many more times. (iTunes is playing Lesley Gore's "It's my Party" as I write.) Effectively he dumped me, but it's not the rejection that stings so much now. It's looking at this person and being reminded of how hurtful to myself the situation was. I feel like I have come so far this year in terms of self-esteem and self-respect that seeing him and being reminded of myself from a year ago is very painful. I know I'm going to get through this and it's better to confront all of it but it just sucks while it's happening.

ps- thanks TiffSniff for suggesting Fido last week and for your patience. oh and the haikus!!! Katie, I value your perspective. Thank you.