A friend lent me his copy of Phillip Yancey's What's so amazing about grace and I am working through it... slowly. I am realizing more fully how hard I am on myself. Somehow I was going to make that tie in with how I feel about this email I got recently.
I told that person not to communicate with me anymore because it was too damaging to me. (He was sharing a lot of information I didn't need) I think he really didn't understand the impact of what he was telling me. It was just like a dam burst and he started talking and talking and talking. I think he really feels bad about the way he behaved years ago and is trying to fix it. But he keeps bringing it up. Keeps apologizing. I'm getting a little cranky honestly. I'm really trying not to, but still I cringe when I see his name in my Inbox.... and I wonder if we appear that way to God. We keep repenting and apologizing for the same sin over and over. Maybe it's so big we don't feel that once is enough. But does God feel annoyance about that? He's forgiven us once and that ought to be the end of it? He's God, so His forgiveness in unlimited and complete. But my tiny mind can't really seem to grasp that.
I'm really trying to truly forgive this person. The pain is so old and far away, but I still feel the effects of it.